So as i sit down and write this i realise that it’s not going to be one of those post’s where i sit an write a conclusion or give you some life affirming advice on what to do or how to deal with it if your going through it. The truth is i don’t have the answers and honestly if any of you guys do have the please let me know because right now i’m struggling and i’m vulnerable.
Lately i have noticed in me a lot of changes, i’v not felt as strong as i used to be. What i first noticed is that i started to shake, weirdly i just thought i was cold because of the weather (how strange is that) but then i noticed that even with the heating on and a hot water bottle i was still shaking, but i didn’t think nothing of it. My bosses at work noticed a lot of changes in my mood, something i did not, and they mistook for me not wanting to be there. Obviously the pressure built which added and made my moods worse. After that the feeling of dread kicked in where i was dreading the day and the thought of physically getting out of bed made me feel sick. I felt un-motivated to do anything, i stopped doing my fitness classes put loads of weight back on, i stopped organising my room half way through and just left it and i’m going to be honest with you half the time i couldn’t even be bothered to brush my hair.
Eventually i knew i needed to get some help, because i could not do it anymore. I feel slightly lucky in such a tragic way that my mother had gone through this i have noticed the signs quit early on. So i had a feeling i knew what it was.
I went to the doctors on the 21/3/2017 i told him my symptoms, sat with my mother. In my head i was praying that he would tell me that nothing was wrong but he didn’t. He told me that i was right and i have Anxiety and Depression. My doctors told me that mine is most likely down to stress, and hopefully now it’s diagnosed i can take positive steps into getting better. I’m on medication for anxiety and depression and will have been told about some mental health charities that i can get in touch with. I’v also told my bosses at work so hopefully that i can move in a positive direction.
I’m going to be completely honest with you guys right now i’m scared. I’v always been quite a impatient person so i know i’m going to want to get better as quick as possible, i’m hoping that this impatience won’t hinder me.
This has been one of the scariest and most honest things i have ever written but after telling my bosses today i didn’t sound very articulate nor when i was explaining it to my doctor. This has been a real relief because i can put it in my own words in the simplest form. I don’t know what’s going to be in store for me mentally, but i will continue this blog because i feel at my most content when i write.
Thank you all for reading.